Dear Baby Jesus, If You Just Get Me Through This One School Day...

Back-to-school for homeschooling moms makes us feel like the little cute foo-foo dog who is being toted around in a blinged-out dog carrier and then is suddenly told to go back into her crate on the floor in the laundry room in the dark.  We’ve been out and about all summer wearing our cute clothes, swimming, going on walks, lazing around the couch, no leashes, no cares in the world, and then, the freaking Facebook posts begin. Status updates like “I can’t wait for my kids to go back to school.  FREEDOM!” or pictures of moms drinking wine while waving goodbye to their children begin to infiltrate my news feed.  Granted, it is a nice break from the Trump hair memes and the “who did Hillary kill today” conspiracy theories that usually pollute my feed. 

I feel a twinge of jealousy at the fact that back-to-school for me means I have to start lesson planning, curricula scouting and waking up at a decent time, but for other moms it means going to lunch with friends or going to work.  I can remember being a real person with friends and respected points of view on current topics, and sometimes it’s hard to channel that woman inside of me. 

Once we get into the school year, I will remember the blessing that it is to home-school my children and be a part of “light bulb” moments during a pivotal time in their development. BUT the first couple of weeks of school are brutal with a capital O.M.G.

Yes, I know that I will miss these times when I am old and all my kids are grown.  I can assure you, however, that I will not miss the screaming, rolling of eyes, grunts, complaining under breath or flat-out whining that takes place on school days.  I promise this.  I have actually had out-of- body experiences while teaching my children who are fighting: is that MY pencil? who is smarter? did you just side-eye me?  I start daydreaming of how beautiful the swan dive would be if I could just jump off the roof or a bridge or anything and float away into nothingness.  Truth is, I would most likely put myself in a vegetative state with only the ability to tell my kids to shut up with my eyes: “blink once for I love you” or “blink twice for shut the heck (or insert fun word for your own amusement) up.” 

I do like new beginnings.  New beginnings offer a fresh start and creative perspective.  I look forward to the long-term effects of this lifestyle choice my family has made, but sometimes the short- term can cloud my vision. My husband is a saint.  He puts up with my transition from summer to fall like it’s no big deal and not hard to love me through it, but I know that it has to be hard to love me in spite of the psycho that I can bring to the table.  I don’t just bring it to the table.  I cook it up and serve it on fine china.  Bless him. He always searches for the best in me and certainly makes me a better person.  My children are pretty amazing, too. 

God has given me many reasons to believe that He is good.  You know what else would also give me a reason? Going to the bathroom without someone activating his heat-seeking missile-like sensors to track me down and talk to me about Five Nights at Freddy’s through the door. But God likes to work out character issues by giving me opportunities to develop patience and kindness rather than supernaturally bestowing those things upon me. 

Therefore, back-to-homeschool is an opportunity.  So yay!  I may be 80 years-old when it happens, but I will be patient and kind. But first things first, I gotta get through this school day.